Here’s a listing of some of the events I entered in 2010 and 2011.

The Pan American Coaster Tossing Championship

Finish: Made it to the second round

The 999 Challenge

Finish: I completed the challenge

Tobacco Road Marathon

Finish: 3:37:21 (202nd out of 1,052 racers)

Krispy Kreme Challenge

Finish: A miserable failure

The News & Observer’s Ugly Sweater Contest

Finish: Runner-up

Lake Lure Polar Plunge

Rex Healthcare Half Marathon

Finish: 1:49.53 (284 of 879 males)

Warrior Dash

Finish: 2,083 of 5,111

Bailey Farms Chile Pepper Eating Contest

Finish: I never stood a chance against the Toothless Pepper King

Pennsylvania Qualifying Stone Skipping Tournament

Finish: Did not place in the amateur division with a measly 15 skips

Idaho Springs Pack Burro Race

Finish: I’m the Last Ass

National Egg Toss Championship

Finish: National Champion!

42nd Annual National Hollerin’ Contest

Finish: I did not place, but I gained something more valuable. Read the post to learn more.

Asheville Idiotarod

Finish: Team idiotapong technically was the last team to cross the finish line, but we won the Oscar the Grouch award for picking up the most trash along the route.

CN Tower Stair Climb

Finish: 774 of more than 4,000

Big Boss Brewing Company’s Potato Decorating Contest

Finish: Did not place

Cheese Rolling

Finish: I finished. That’s all that really matters.

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