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If I’m never on a reality TV show, it won’t be for a lack of trying.

At the urging of my friend and former boss Bil Boyd, I have applied to appear on the ABC show Wipeout. Yes, I have applied for the chance to look like a complete moron on national television. Don’t act like you’re surprised.

Obviously, I have no idea if I’ll ever hear back from the production company. As I understand it, most of the people who wind up on shows like this were discovered at on-site casting calls in California shopping malls. Or they slept with a producer.

As for me, I have no recollection of sleeping with a producer and I simply filled out an online application that posed some moderately probing questions, such as:

  • What are your worst qualities?
  • If you could be anyone living or dead, real or fiction, who would you be and why?
  • If you were granted one wish (however impossible), what would it be and why?

In case you’re wondering, I said I can be a jerk; that I’d like to be Marty McFly so I can travel through time; and that I’d like to play a football game for the Steelers. On the moon. Why the Steelers? Because I’ve been a fan all my life. Why the moon? Because if we lose, at least I can say I’ve been to space.

As clever or just plain stupid as that might sound, who knows if anyone at the production company will read my application? Either way, I’ll keep you posted.

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