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I made it past the first round of Big Boss Brewing Company’s Pan American Coaster Tossing Championship but fell short in the second round.

Now, I’m also falling short with my words. Probably because of all the beer I drank and time I spent baking in the sun.

Therefore, the highlight of today’s post is a video. Enjoy, but be advised that a middle-aged man nearly takes his pants off at the 3:04 mark.

Congrats to Aaron Todd, the inaugural Pan American Coaster Tossing Champion. Surely, a lucrative endorsement deal from Big Boss awaits you.

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Scribbled in all capital letters atop the first page of a new moleskine notebook, it was less New Year’s resolution, more life mission statement.

No. A destiny.

MAKE IT TO THE WORLD EGG THROWING CHAMPIONSHIP IN ENGLAND AND RAISE A BUNCH OF CASH FOR WORLD HUNGER

Clearly, as 2010 made way for 2011, I wasn’t just hoping to drop a few pounds or learn something new to expand my mind. I was aiming for global domination in a sport (if you’ll humor me and call it a sport) in which I am the reigning U.S. national champion.

An epic plan was hatched. My co-champion (and good friend) Mike Hepp and I would seek corporate sponsorship to send us to Swaton, England, for our world title shot. Along the way, we’d raise money for hunger-related charities. The sponsor would get some positive press coverage, hungry people would eat, and Mike and I would finally have an excuse to get WORLD CHAMPS tattooed on our chests.

Everyone would win.

Our efforts to attain sponsorship included the production of an epicly awesome video pitch, a website (thanks to my beautiful wife/web designer Carie), and a cleverly packaged direct mail campaign (egg cartons filled with plastic eggs stuffed with reasons to sponsor the champs).

The immediate results were impressive.

During that first week, the video racked up more than 700 hits on YouTube. Jason Jennings, a local TV sports reporter, blogged about our pitch, saying that we are “never short on tongue-in-cheek creativity.” We even received the ultimate pat on the back from Darren Rovell, a CNBC Sports Business Reporter who tweeted:

Any1 looking for sponsorship can learn from the US Egg Tossing Champs. Great pitch http://tiny.cc/5b4x6 (via @AnyoneCanEnter)

Unfortunately, most of the corporations we targeted for sponsorship didn’t quite see it the same way. The ones that actually responded were nice enough, but only before assuring me that they prefer to spend their time and money on actual charitable activities. Not egg tossers.

We did manage to flirt with the North Carolina Egg Association, but only after proclaiming that we might actually just pay our own way to England. Problem was, once we actually thought about shelling out more than $4,000 to fly ourselves and our wives to England to compete in an egg tossing tournament, it was easier to see what some of our potential sponsors were thinking.

That’s part of the reason why we have officially decided not to attend this year’s contest.

It’s a sad thing to finally type that.

For nearly the first five months of this year, I’ve been somewhat consumed with this idea. Now, here I am admitting that it won’t happen. That I’m giving in to the silliness of it all. That I won’t be meet World Egg Throwing Federation Andrew Dunlop in person this year.

Then again, I have no regrets about pursuing such a ridiculous adventure. If anything, I regret that I didn’t try harder to make it happen. That I didn’t follow through on booking that last-minute flight to Illinois to start a rally at the quarterly American Egg Board meeting. That I didn’t mail just two more egg cartons. That I didn’t tell enough people about the brilliance of such an insane idea.

Fortunately, Big Boss Brewing Company just dropped another tossing contest into my lap. Instead of eggs, I’ll be tossing coasters this Saturday for a chance at a Pan American title.

Plus, there’s no reason Mike and I can’t start saving up to make it to next year’s World Egg Throwing Championship.

Yeah, I think that might be a nice goal.

Or a destiny.