In less than two weeks, I’ll be a warrior.

Sort of.

According to its web site, I will “conquer extreme obstacles” in my first Warrior Dash. Considering that the 14 obstacles include leaping over fire pits and scrambling beneath barbed wire, I’m not sure it’s fair to assume that I’ll be conquering them. More like tolerating. And that’s only if I make it past Satan’s Steps, the Black Forest, the Breathless Bog, or the Warrior Wall.

To ensure that I don’t sink in the Slithering Swamp, I’ve been running a few miles every other day. Recently, I even followed the training suggestion on the Warrior Dash’s FAQs to go snorkeling in a dirty pond, without goggles. To make it more interesting, I also left out the snorkel.

But I worry that I could be doing more.

That’s where you come in.

Are you a warrior? Do you know a warrior? If so, how would you or your friend feel about putting me through a somewhat rigorous boot camp?

Even if you’re not a warrior, maybe you’ve watched a few movies with some really sweet warrior footage. Or maybe you once dressed up as Conan the Barbarian for Halloween. If so, how would you train to be a warrior? Would you simply spend the weeks leading up to a Warrior Dash running on a treadmill? Or would you be scaling telephone poles, juggling boulders, wrestling bears, hanging from a rope by your teeth, and sleeping in your backyard?

Please send me your craziest training ideas. As long as they’re mostly legal and practically survivable, I’ll give them a shot and post videos of my efforts here on the blog.

And just in case you were wondering, no, I don’t think that eating more orange habañeros qualifies as warrior training.