IDAHO SPRINGS, Co.–Less than a month ago, I won a national championship.

Today, I’m the Last Ass.

I wish this new title, in some sort of ass-backwards way, is somehow cooler than it sounds. It’s not. I finished in last place in the Idaho Springs Pack Burro Race. Technically, I was the last male runner to finish, a full 10 minutes ahead of my female Last Ass equivalent. Not that I’m bragging about that.

I might have had a better chance of winning if my burro, Firecracker, had lived up to his name. Instead, my hungry ass was more inclined to clear the 4-mile course of weeds. It also might have helped if Firecracker and I could have trained for more than 1 day. My national championship in egg tossing, after all, wasn’t the result of a mere hour of practice.

Last Ass or not, this has been an amazing weekend. I’ll post a more-detailed report, along with video, sometime soon.

For now, my ass needs some rest.