Weeks of procrastination combined with an apathetic approach to team building atop an inattention to detail have spoiled my dreams of winning a national championship this weekend.

What’s worse, for the second time in two months, a competition involving potatoes is getting the better of me.

But unlike the potato decorating contest, I’m not even able to enter the National Potato Peeling Contest. Not any more, at least.

Just because there’s an event that anyone can enter, it doesn’t mean that the event takes entries the week of the competition. That’s what I finally realized after reading the fine print on the contest’s registration form. According to that, I should have registered by May 7.

Sure, maybe I could have contacted the contest coordinators and begged for mercy, but it would be hard to do that without a team. In the last two weeks, my efforts to recruit the necessary four team members have failed miserably. My pitch to join the team has elicited the following responses:

“That sounds like a complete waste of my time.”

“If I want French fries I’ll just buy them myself.”

“Maybe you should get a new hobby.”

If that wasn’t bad enough, my own wife dropped out on me.

So if you were looking forward to a report on the potato peeling contest (and if you were, where were you two weeks ago when I was trying to assemble a team?), I apologize. But fear not. There’s always next year. And, fortunately, we still have the Asheville Idiotarod to look forward to on May 23.