You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Idiotarod’ category.
Faithful blog readers, I proudly present our cart for the Asheville Idiotarod: idiotapong.
Chosen partially because we think it’s somewhat original (at least, my Google searches say so), our ping pong/table tennis idiotarod theme allows us to dress like, well, idiots. Also, if the race is lame, we can stop and play beer pong. I’m not sure this will warrant a prize, but I’m quite proud of our team effort.
I painted the board. Lauri scoured three counties worth of grocery stores to find just the right style of shopping cart (Thanks to Go Grocery Outlet, by the way, for lending us the cart. And in case you were wondering, yes, we asked for the cart and they agreed to let us borrow it.) And John lent his engineering expertise to make a perfect union between board and cart.
Now, all that’s left to do is meet the rest of the team. Two of Lauri’s friends will be joining Carie and myself to round out our five-person team. With any luck, they’ll be better ping pong players than Carie. I can’t actually prove this, but I think last night was the first time she’s ever held a ping pong paddle.
Check back throughout the day, as I’m hoping to post updates during the race. Assuming that I’m not too busy playing beer pong.
We should be pulling into my sister’s driveway near Asheville right now. Instead, we’re still in Raleigh, at the mercy of a nearby Firestone Auto Care Store. There, the nail-infested rear passenger-side tire of Carie’s 2001 Honda Civic rests on the garage floor, waiting for its chance to be patched. Considering that my car refuses to operate outside a 50-mile bubble of our house, we’re forced to wait, possibly for hours, for a simple service.
Fortunately, a flat tire won’t be able to stop us in the Idiotarod tomorrow.
Also, I had a fantastic revelation as we sat down for lunch at Panera. Glancing at our receipt, I noticed that fine print at the bottom, the survey that cashiers are always telling you about as they hand you the receipt. Sure, I often think as they tell me about the thousands of dollars I might win, I’ll definitely fill out this survey later on today! And, of course, I always put the receipt in my pocket and forget about the crumpled mess until it shows up a week later as a pulpy blob in my laundry.
But today will be different.
That’s because I’m broadening the scope of the Anyone Can Enter mission.
From now on, I am literally entering anything (in a non-sexual way, of course).
Of course, there’s no way to enter everything. I can’t enter every single 5K, every wacky shopping cart race, and each and every potato peeling contest. But if it’s within reason, I’m in. Especially if all it requires is an e-mail address and an Internet connection.
I started this week by setting up a Google alert for “anyone can enter.”
So far, I’ve been enticed by opportunities to win a trip to Hollywood for me and Bailey (our dog), meet my favorite pro anglers, and more. I’ve also learned that anyone can enter clan war, whatever that means.
While I’m not confident that I have a video of Bailey funny enough to win the Hollywood trip, I do have a photo worthy of Pam Boutilier’s contest. The artist is hosting a simple contest to direct traffic to her website. Simply send in a picture of your pet and your picture could be turned into a painting. My hopes are riding on this picture of Bailey.
In the weeks and months ahead, I’ll occasionally post updates on my successes and failures in this pursuit of winning free schwag.
For now, I need to get my hands on this $2,000 prize from Panera.
I’m going to need it for a new car.
Today, I chatted with a man who recently met Chuck Norris.
His name is Richard Handy, founder and organizer of the Asheville Idiotarod.
Richard, who is a veteran of several New York City Idiotarods, has developed a fantastic (well, actually, he’d probably prefer I say awesome) website that will pretty much tell you everything you could dream of asking about the event. In case you don’t have time to peruse it, all you really need to know is that the event is dedicated to having fun and positively influencing the community in Asheville. In case you do have time to check out the site, read about the community service projects that we’ll be completing here. (And if you’re just stumbling upon this page, wondering what an Idiotarod is, Wikipedia conveniently has your answer).
Of course, there’s always room for more questions. For starters, I wanted to know more about the Circle of Doooooooom, something Richard dreamed up involving “humans with noodles who have ingested about twice the amount of caffeine permissible by law.” What exactly does he mean by noodles?
Plus, how can I not ask what it’s like to meet Walker Texas Ranger?
What with the Circle of Doooooooom and encouraged sabotage, this race sounds pretty intense. Will I have to commit an actual crime to be disqualified from this race?
It’s pretty tough to be disqualified. But the beauty of this race is that it’s not about winning. The racers know that. If you’re going to take this too seriously, you’re in the wrong place.
What’s the most impressive act of sabotage you saw in the first Asheville Idiotarod last fall?
I was actually really impressed. One team welded boots that they put on competitors’ carts when they left their cart unattended, which you never want to do. The boots made it impossible to push your cart. To get the combination for the lock, you had to call a phone number and a guy would give you one number at a time and hang up.
So don’t leave my cart unattended. That’s good to know. What other advice can you offer a first timer?
Get ready to have the best time you’ll ever have giving back. The more you give back, the more you’ll get out of it. Just plant as many trees as you possibly can.
You and the winner of the Field Day of Awesomeness got to meet Chuck Norris. What was that like?
I got about 45 seconds with him. He was very nice, very cordial. But my shoulder still hurts from his hand being on it.
One of your Idiotarod awards is the Chuck Norris Award. The names of those awards might be my favorite part. Did that require a lot of brainstorming with beers?
Sadly, I don’t require beer for that.
My first Idiotarod is still a few days away, so I’m hardly capable of calling myself an expert in the world of shopping cart decorating/community service racing.
But I can already tell you not to be fooled by the event’s self-deprecating name. Whether you’re my Uncle Rob, who purposely misspells it Idiotatard, or a disgruntled hipster hater, you can’t argue that there’s nothing idiotic about non-court-ordered community service. Or some of the ideas competitors dream up for their carts. This spirit of imagination, however, sets a difficult precedent to overcome.
While brainstorming ideas on how to decorate our cart, I kept cranking out previously thought-up executions. Secret Service members escorting the President? Already been done. A cart made to look like a fighter pilot with a team of Top Gun pilots? Already been done better than anyone will ever possibly do again. Somebody had even done the Smurfs!
Sure, none of these ideas were used in the Asheville Idiotarod, so far as I can tell, but using one of these previously used ideas would just feel plain cheap.
After several exhausting all-night brainstorm sessions (this isn’t necessarily true), I’m confident that we have a completely original Idiotarod theme. At least, Google thinks so. A search for our unnamed theme and Idiotarod yields no relevant results. That practically makes it one of a kind.
So while our idea is still un-Google-able, I must apologize for keeping our idea a secret until this weekend, at which point I promise to post pictures.
Even better, I promise that I will look like an idiot. Isn’t that the whole point?
Thanks to my big sister Lauri, I am now officially registered to be an idiot.
On May 23rd, Carie and will be competing with Lauri and a few of her friends in the Spring Asheville Idiotarod.
Never heard of such a thing? Here’s the description from their website.
An Idiotarod is a lot like the legendary Alaskan Sled Dog Race called the Iditarod, which is a dog sled competition that spans over 1150 miles of Alaska’s roughest, most beautiful terrain that Mother Nature has to offer. The Idiotarod is essentially the same thing except we’ll cover like a 5k and instead of dogs we use people (idiots) and instead of sleds we use shopping carts (super pods of wonder), which are extremely energy efficient by the way.
No word yet on how we’ll decorate our cart, but I’m pretty sure that the awards listed on their Facebook page may just be the most creative awards I’ve ever seen. They include:
THE HOFF AWARD: To the team that displays the most awesomeness (determined by a very intelligent panel of biased judges who love The Hoff and by the way. . .Don’t ever ever Hassle the Hoff – or the judges)
THE PICASSO AWARD: Things that make you go hmmmmm. To that cart that everyone knows is brilliant, but can’t help but look at their cart, turn their head sideways and say to themselves, “What the frick is that?”
THE CHUCK NORRIS AWARD: Given to the team that basically just kicked ass while everyone else just kinda stood around wondering what happened – i.e. they came in first place.
THE TERRY TATE AWARD: To the team with the most outright displays of appropriate sabotage of other teams (WOOOOOOOOO!). Click HERE to see how you can increase your office’s productivity.
THE “I PIDDY DA FOOL” AWARD: To the Individual or Team that needs a that seriously needs to get some kahunas and stop speed walking . . . just sayin’.
THE RICHARD SIMMONS AWARD: Given to the team with the most appropriate or inappropriate use of Spandex.
THE ZOOLANDER: Given to the really, really, really ridiculously good looking models/cart that moves real good and doesn’t explode in any innocent gasoline fights.
